Just blegh...

Pokah

2000 hands, $170 profit. Think I'm going to have a short post here, but I think I'll have a lengthy sit-down with myself to seriously think and write about tilt and how it's affecting me in the next few days. It'll be mostly for myself, but I'm sure it could help some others who have tilt problems too. For what it's worth, Taylor/Hilger's The Poker Mindset that I'm currently reading is definitely sparking this self-reflection if you will. From what I've read so far it's mostly dealing with concepts that can be found in other poker books and resources, but it's definitely a well-written book and it's helping me figure some stuff out.

So poker's going ok, I suppose. I don't like using EV programs since I'm trying to ignore results and how I'm running as much as possible, and although I'm sure I'm way below expectation, it could be worse.

A few weeks ago I was running like a god and actually looked back at my brutal March downswing and was basically thinking "how will I deal with my next downswing?" knowing it was probably on the horizon (and here it is!). It's a lot easier said than done, but the ideal way to do so would be not to tilt and to just grind out the hands until the long-run 'got there'. The reason why downswings generally last so long is that tilt is involved and that obviously elongates them, often making you play exponentially worse.

Stosh of stoxpoker has basically accepted me for his coaching, and he's just waiting on me to confirm or bail on it. My recent swings have made me even more hesitant to do it and tbh I still haven't decided. I think if I had 6k instead of my 4.5 I'd do it in an instant. I'm thinking now that I probably will bail. The $800 is just too much. Basically I think unless I start running well again by the end of the week and make like $500+, I'm bailing.

It's just not worth it

I've gotten to the point with the whole bike vs car door incident that I've had to threaten to go to court with the guy, but it's basically a bluff. My grandfather's a very good lawyer, but I don't think we have enough to go on to make it worth our while. Basically this guy has fucked me out of half the cost of my bike as he's only willing to pay the cost of one of the wheels that broke. In retrospect I should have just called the cops at the actual crash (and I will if I ever do get into another accident), but as it played out I'm fucked. The guy won, and there's nothing I can do about it but just accept the half-assed payment, that is if he's even still willing to pay it considering I just spouted some bs about taking him to court for the full amount. *@#($&*(