yarg.

Running like shit, playing like shit, and I can't pull myself away from the tables when I tilt.

Yesterday was a perfect example. Some full ring, some six max, and after several hands like these:







(posted this in HA for whatever reason; I know it's completely standard)



...I basically went apeshit and did all of this.

I surprisingly cooled down last night though and just enjoyed some Arrested Development, and feel fine today. Kinda sickening getting used to -$500 days. Sick sick sick.

Anyways I think one thing that's definitely been a factor in my monkeytiltedness is dropping the $800 on Stosh's coaching, but on the flip side I hope he can help cure that tilt. He's a pretty big monster in 6-max cash games and even if these four coaching sessions don't get me completely settled in to 6-max I'm sure it will still be worth my while. It's just the fact that I dropped $800 of my then $5k bankroll for him. That's a lot of moolah for me.

I'd planned on writing some big post explaining tilt and the effects of certain factors, but really it all boils down to bankroll management, how much you rely on your BR for your everyday expenses, mental toughness, and your ego. I play with a tiny portion of my roll, but even then, since it's my livelyhood, I live off it and it really affects me when I lose. As I mentioned before I seriously don't think I'll ever get over tilt until I play with like a 100-buyin roll. The ego is another huge part of it for me, admittedly. I can't help it. I have a big ego. I hate sitting at a table for hours setting a player up, then having my three big hands against him busted. I want to take that money back. I consider it "mine". And that's a problem.

So anyways I think today I'm taking a break from playing. Just got a call from my buddy who might drop by and play Risk, and if you know that game you know it'll take until 2010 to finish. Seriously it'll take all day, then that same friend is throwing a house party, so fuck poker for now. I can wait 'til tomorrow :p

As a lot of you know, music is a huge part of my life. I think I listen to music in some way or another about %90 of the time I'm awake (that's probably why I have bad hearing...). It can completely change my mood around, and listening to some upbeat, happy music yesterday helped me cool off. Even though sting is a cheezeball, he was great when he was leading The Police...